Stages of Grief
by Parmawen
Summary: The thoughts of each of the Fellowship members, after the fall of Gandalf in Moria.


Stages of Grief

Pippin

It's my fault. "You've always had a nose for trouble, young Peregrin Took," Gandalf used to say to me. I see now that he was correct. Why him? He's the one we all needed. He kept everyone alive and our spirits up and now he's gone. I am sobbing into Merry's shoulder now, sobbing with the knowledge that it is all my fault. And now I shall have to life with knowing that all my days. If I ever make it back to the blessed Shire, I shall have to tell them and bear the shame.

Gandalf? Gandalf, please hear me. Forgive me.

Merry

It can't be. Gandalf is…Gandalf WAS Gandalf. He was the Big Person to end all Big People. How could that THING just take him like that? I remember the day I first saw him. I was only a small lad and I thought he was bigger than an oliphaunt. Now I know better.

Something still worries me though. How will we survive without him? Frodo, Sam, Pip and I are just Hobbits! We'll never make it. If even Gandalf can be swept away so easily, what will become of us? I pull my jacket around me. Suddenly, the world seems ever so much colder now.

Sam

It's up to me now. It's my job to protect them. I'm still not sure who I can trust in this fellowship of ours, but I could always trust Mr. Gandalf. Always. He told me to watch out for Mr. Frodo, and that's just what I mean to do. He can count on Samwise Gamgee, he can. I'm not sure about these other folk, especially that one man, Mr. Boromir. I'll have to watch out for that. I have to keep Mr. Frodo safe.

Mr. Gandalf, sir? I'll do you proud.

Frodo

I'll miss you. Not just as a traveling companion or protection, but as a friend. I smile slightly, remembering the good times you, Bilbo, and I used to have. We would sit around the fire in the evenings or go to cart rides in the Shire. And you would always have a surprise up your sleeve. I remember the smile you had after lighting fireworks for the children, and your stern expression after catching Merry and Pippin raiding the larder. I remember laughing with you over one of Bilbo's stories and sobbing into your great welcoming arms when various childhood woes broke my little heart.

I shall always remember you. Always. Nothing could ever make me forget.

Legolas

Why is everyone so upset? He'll come back, won't he? I know he died, but can't he come back? I heard that Glorfindel was killed, but he's alive and well back in Imladris. And isn't Gandalf much more powerful than Glorfindel?

I want to say something to cheer them up, but I know not what. I want to tell them that all will be better. But the truth is, I'm starting to doubt as well. What if he doesn't come back? What then?

Gimli

My head is pounding with fury so that I can hardly think straight. HOW DARE THEY? How can they do this to me again? They already broke my heart at the tomb of Balin, why are they doing it again? All of a sudden, the world seems to be falling apart. All I can hear is a rushing in my ears. I feel the sudden need to be alone. I go a few yards away and strike the ground with my axe. The world is quiet except for the thump as the axe makes contact with the dirt.

Thud.

Thud.

Thud.

How dare they?

How could they?

They did.

Aragorn

Am I ready for this? I'm in charge now, no debate. But what does that mean? How can I lead when I feel like lying down and crying the way Pippin is now? This is not going to be easy I fear.

_Gandalf, I need you! _I cry silently. I'm not sure what to do, and I need help. I brush at my moist eyes, not wanting to let the others see my face. I am their king now. However much I feel like stopping, we must continue on. I hoist Sam and Pippin to their feet.

Time to move on. Gandalf would want us to.

Boromir

I didn't know him as well as all the others seemed to. He visited my father often when I was younger, but Faramir was his favorite, not me.. I am surprised to find how grieved I feel for his passing. He evidently meant a lot to these with whom I travel.

He died a hero. I'm touched that his last words were not for himself, but for those he died fighting for. I wonder if I could do the same. My brother Faramir would say I could, but I'm not so sure. Could I die for those less than me, say, the hobbits? I only pray that I shall never have the chance to find out.


End file.
